Parents, can you defend your faith?
Can you defend your faith, parents? Or do you feel a bit out of your depth when people start listing objections? Maybe you’re not sure you need to.
But studies show that by age 13 a person has pretty well formed his/her worldview. And, many kids are walking away from their faith between the ages 8-12! They don’t believe in objective truth or that the Bible is truly God’s Word. They don’t know who Jesus really is or how He fits in with a purpose for their lives.
You need to be prepared to defend your faith.
Kids ask the hardest questions, and they can smell fear, LOL. If you don’t know what you believe or why you believe it, your children will likely struggle to develop the kind of faith you hope they have.
Even if they don’t walk away by age 12, our culture has become so secular, that they will likely encounter serious objections to their faith by their 20s. My faith started unraveling in high school, but by college graduation, I found myself a functional atheist.
When I was growing up, I believed the Bible was true because my parents said it was. I knew people disagreed. I even had some friends on various ends of the atheist-faith spectrum.
But I believed in Jesus like I believed in gravity.
Until I didn’t. Until real life came crashing down around me, and I had very little preparation to deal with the fallout. When life handed me trauma and tragedy and tough circumstances, I didn’t have the skills to defend my faith. I ended up walking away from a demonstrably real faith for many years.
Without being able to defend my faith from my own doubts, much less those of ardent atheists, I was a wishy-washy believer, at best, an agnostic at worst.
For more of my testimony, you can visit my sister site Heaven not Harvard, my parenting and Christian living blog.
I could never quite shake a belief that God probably exists, but had no ability to justify that belief. How could I believe that God was real, omnipotent, all-loving and allow such incredible suffering? A lot of people get stuck right there.
I am so thankful for the ways God walked me back to a deep and abiding faith in Him. But as a parent, I don’t want my daughter to wade through the mire and the muck in ways she doesn’t have to. She will, of course, need to build her own faith. She can’t ride mine into heaven.
But I can equip her with some skills and knowledge that prepare her better to do just that. Part of my goal with this site is to equip parents to lead their children in the faith.
But how do you lead your children in a way that builds a solid foundation?
1. Be a living example.
As the saying goes, “more is caught than taught.” If you want your children to follow The Way, show them what that looks like. Let them see you reading your Bible, praying, serving, repenting, seeking forgiveness when you’ve sinned. These behaviors will be more meaningful than you can measure.
2. Read them the Bible.
Start from the very beginning with reading the Bible to your children. Supplement with a toddler or children’s Bible for the very young, but make sure to read from an adult version of the Bible as much as appropriate. Build that into your daily routines as soon as possible. I have found no substitute in my own life for knowing the Word of God thoroughly. I was THRILLED when we were visiting my mom’s church last Sunday and my daughter starting quoting the Bible verse the pastor referenced. It was such a great example of how repeatedly reading through the Bible creates a base of scriptural knowledge that she will be able to build on in her future.
3. Be able to defend your faith.
1 Peter 3:15 instructs all believers to “always be prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope within you.” We often think about this verse in terms of evangelism outside of the home, but anything we are doing for others should start in our home. (1 Timothy 5:8)
Your children need to hear you explain and defend your faith just as much as your co-worker does. While children will grow up trusting what you say is true, someday life will crash down around them, and when that happens, will they know why their faith stands the test of suffering or atheist objections? Not if you don’t.
Which takes us back to #1. Be the example you want for them. Be able to defend your faith to them, for them, in front of them. When we’re reading a tough passage, my daughter really appreciates when I can answer her questions or know where to look for answers. Having answers helps her see that Christianity is built on truth. It has satisfying answers to life’s hardest questions.
But how can you learn to defend your faith?
Start small. JD Camorlinga has a great series of picture books that explain apologetics concepts through engaging stories in simple ways that have bonus material for adults at the end. These books will help you learn the basic concepts yourself, as well as teaching them to your children.
Secondly, use spare time to listen to books or podcasts. I started with podcasts because they are shorter and generally easier to focus on while folding laundry or making dinner. I use a bluetooth earbud to be able to listen to apologetics content while doing life. Here is a helpful link to some of the best apologetics podcasts.
And follow along here. I have been pouring into other ministries for the past four years and haven’t really spent time here, but I plan to really invest in this ministry over the coming months. I want to help Christians have confidence that they know what they believe, confidence that what they believe is true, and the confidence to share those beliefs with others.
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16 Comments
clubschadenfreude
Kids are considerably more informed that they once were and even when I was a child back in the 70s, I could see the hypocrisy in Christianity. When I ended up with a best friend who was catholic and I was protestant, my family had an issue with that. Then it took just a little more research to see just how much christians do hate each other.
Attempting to keep information from your children is a mistake since they will find out that your religion is no better than any one else’s. Christians don’t agree on the “way”, nor can any of you show that your way is any better than the next, or that your god exists at all. You can’t even agree on what your god considers to be moral or what it considers to be a “sin”. When they see you pray and nothing happens but excuses made when those prayer fail, they will grasp that any fraudulent claim gets those excuses.
If you can’t read all of the bible to them, you admit that it isn’t appropriate for anyone. If you can’t admit that your god commits and commands genocide, kills children for the actions of others that they had no control over, etc. you are committing a lie by omission by trying to hide that from your children and keeping them from making an informed decision.
Faith doesn’t pass the test of suffering. Excuses must be made why this god constantly fails despite its promises. Only fear and ignorance keep people in the religion. If christians need apologetics and even the apologists can’t agree, your religion is in trouble. Those books by Camorlinga are the same baseless claims that are offered by all apologists and there is no evidence for jesus or any resurrection. There are only stories.
When your children discover that these claims can’t be supported, they will have ample reason to discard the religion. That is what happened to me. If you wish to be fair, allow your children to also read counter apologetics. They can make their own choice.
themamapologist
First, we’re all hypocrites. Every single person believes in standards of behavior that he or she cannot meet consistently. It’s part of being human. And Christianity has standards that are impossibly high. We literally cannot keep them all. That is why we need Jesus. Secondly, we don’t judge Beethoven based on a child’s ability to play his pieces. We shouldn’t judge Christianity by Christians (who will fail) but by Christ. Anyone who follows Christ should love truth wherever it leads. I don’t think any single denomination has it totally right, but you’re right that the way Christians argue and fight with each other is awful and doesn’t represent Christ well at all. Next, I don’t advocate keeping information away from children except those things that are not developmentally appropriate based on content or comprehension. Otherwise I agree with you that we should read the entire Bible to our children and expose them to anti-Christian apologists as well. Suffering is really hard. And I’m not sure which promises you mean? The Bible repeatedly tells us we will suffer in this life. But Christianity makes the most sense of suffering. God allows suffering in our lives at times to draw us closer to Him. Some suffering is due to our own choices or the actions of others. If God prevented all suffering, there would be no free will or joy. We need the darkness so that we recognize the goodness of the light. Also, if there is no god, you still suffer, but there is no promise of hope or justice in the end. Lastly, I believe there is good reason to believe every claim I make. God gives us enough evidence to find Him if we are seeking, but not so much that we no longer can freely reject Him. I hope every child I teach is taught to make his or her own choice, to follow the evidence where it leads, and to find their own faith. It is my hope for you as well.
David W.
To Clubschadenfreude:
“If you can’t read all of the bible to them, you admit that it isn’t appropriate for anyone.”
Does that apply to A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah Maas, which is commonly found in public schools and is one of the most banned books in public school libraries? Or is the Bible the only book you hold this standard for?
clubschadenfreude
Why is the book “A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah Maas” banned, David?
clubschadenfreude
No, we aren’t all hypocrites. That is a common Christian claim in order to try to excuse your behavior by accusing everyone of being like you. Your failures aren’t everyone’s.
Christians can’t even agree on what the “standards” are, so your further false claims that your standards are “impossibly high” fail. Curious how your excuse ends up making your god not very intelligent if it gives people impossible standards, and damns them for things it knows they will fail at. This is nothing more than what an abusive parent does.
Since Christians can’t agree on the most basic things, and they’ve had a couple of millennia to get things straight, yep, I can judge you all on your constant failures and constant lies. You don’t love truth since not one of you can agree on what it supposed is.
It’s notable that you claim that you don’t think any demonination is totally right, but you claim that you have the only right one. If it isn’t correct, why would you follow what you do?
So you do advocate keeping information away from children, you simply hide that in claiming “developmentally appropriate”. If your bible is the “truth”, then what about it is inappropriate for a child?
Suffering isn’t hard, it makes fine sense in a world without a god. As for the promises, it’s curiosu how many Christians are ignorant of them when they all claim to read their bible. Here they are:
“22 Jesus answered them, ‘Have[b] faith in God. 23 Truly I tell you, if you say to this mountain, “Be taken up and thrown into the sea”, and if you do not doubt in your heart, but believe that what you say will come to pass, it will be done for you. 24 So I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received[c] it, and it will be yours.” – Mark 11
“Go into all the world and proclaim the good news[d] to the whole creation. 16 The one who believes and is baptized will be saved; but the one who does not believe will be condemned. 17 And these signs will accompany those who believe: by using my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18 they will pick up snakes in their hands,[e] and if they drink any deadly thing, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover.’” Mark 16
“7 ‘Ask, and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. 9 Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for bread, will give a stone? 10 Or if the child asks for a fish, will give a snake? 11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” Matthew 7
“1 Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; but if you do not, then believe me because of the works themselves. 12 Very truly, I tell you, the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do and, in fact, will do greater works than these, because I am going to the Father. 13 I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 If in my name you ask me[e] for anything, I will do it.” John 14
“ 7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. “ John 15
“13 Are any among you suffering? They should pray. Are any cheerful? They should sing songs of praise. 14 Are any among you sick? They should call for the elders of the church and have them pray over them, anointing them with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 The prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise them up; and anyone who has committed sins will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective. 17 Elijah was a human being like us, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth. 18 Then he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain and the earth yielded its harvest.” James 5
The bible can’t quite make up its mind on what it tells people. It claims this god will protect its followes from any evil, and that it will provide all that is needed. It does neither.
If your god needs to allow suffering so people are forced to it, then it is an abusive parent. Would you intentionally harm your child to make it more dependent on you?
Per the bible, there is no free will at all, since both jesus and paul say that this god has already chosen who it will allow to accept it and damns the rest for no action of their own (Matthew 13 and Romans 9, amongst other places). No evidence that joy requires free will either. And if your claim about needing darkness to enjoy light, how does that work in heaven?
No justice in your religion either, so attempts to claim that there will be magical justice after I’m dead is just another baseless promise. Your god repeatedly kills people for things they didn’t do, so where is the justice in that? Every religion makes promises to get people to join. Alas, not one can show that their promises are true.
Every theist claims that their god gives them enough evidence, and yet they cannot provide this evidence. They must claim that one must already believe in their god to get this evidence, which is what any fraud will claim. As for the excuse that this god won’t give evidence since it has to allow people free will to reject it, your bible belies that claim since “once upon a time” this god had no problem in making personal appearances, providing direct evidence, etc.
themamapologist
Club, I no longer believe you’re interested in having a reasonable dialogue. Just because something is true, doesn’t make it age-appropriate. Calculus is true, but not age-appropriate for all kids. The Bible has content that kids can’t understand or don’t have the capacity to follow. That doesn’t make it untrue. And absolutely, every single person is a hypocrite. We say it’s wrong to lie, but then think a fib about why we’re late to work won’t hurt. We know we should drive the speed limit, but we’re running late, so make excuses. You think people should be rational and fair in dialogue with you, but you make ridiculous claims like if the Bible is true we should read all of it to our children regardless of their age or developmental level. That isn’t true of any subject or material. I’m not going to argue with you about the novel length comments anymore. Every single thing you said has answers, but they are complex, and I don’t ever get the sense that you’re trying to actually understand my points so much as straw man them. I would appreciate it if you would limit your comments to one basic objection at a time, if you’re interested in a dialogue.
clubschadenfreude
Yep, this is the typical false claim by a christian who can’t show I’m wrong. Calculus is neutral so why wouldn’t be age appropriate? Kids can have all different levels of intelligence.
Kids can understand violence and a god killing children for things they didn’t do. In that adults can’t understand what the bible says or simply make up what they want it to mean isn’t limiting the information by age.
There is no evidence the claims of your bible are true, and as expected you can provide no evidence that supports your religion.
No, every single person isn’t a hypocrite. Again, you simply accuse everyone of your own faults in order to pretend that that they are just like you. We aren’t.
That you choose to lie doesn’t mean everyone else does.
As I demonstrated above, your bible has no problem with being age appropriate since children can grasp what happens if the world is flooded and only 8 people are allowed to survive. You just don’t want them thinking about that, or when your god murders David’s son for what David did, or when your god murdered the first born of egypt to punish the pharoah who your god mind controlled.
All of these are terrible stories and you need to indoctrinate kids by insisting how wonderful your god is before allowing them to know about these stories. It’s no surprise that even pastors and priests don’t even mention them and their repercussions to adults.
You also make up more false claims since my response was hardly “novel length” and you are the one who asked for the verses in the bible that promise that true followes of christ can do what he did. ” And I’m not sure which promises you mean? ”
You then claim “every single thing” I mentioned has answers but can’t provide a single one. That’s a false claim on your part. Do you really think your god doesn’t notice those lies you choose to tell?
I understand your points, what few you’ve made, and I have shown how they fail. Show I’m wrong if you can. If not, you are simply one more christian who has nothing.
If you want to address one of my points at a time, please do so. My apologies if I overtaxed your ablity to respond.
themamapologist
Explaining why each verse you supplied doesn’t mean what you think it does would take far too long and far too much of my extremely limited time. Basically, most of the verses are taken out of the immediate context or out of context of the whole counsel of scripture. Some of them use hyperbole or metaphor. Your responses about the appropriateness of certain subjects either indicate that you don’t grasp the fundamental basics of parenting or are trying to be super argumentative. You also have not shown why my points fail. You’ve just asserted that you disagree. You appear to be capable of searching out answers to what each of those passages mean from a solid theologian. If I write a post on them at some point, I’m sure you’ll see it, but I’m just don’t have time to argue about each one in the comments when you can’t seem to concede that anything might be inappropriate for children based on age or developmental level. That is a basic of typical child development. I’ll grant that kids mature at different rates, but even so calculus is not appropriate for 99.99999999999% of two year olds. It would be a waste of time and effort to read it to them. Reading the Bible to children is less clear cut but there are complex issues that need discussion with children as they mature. I think that by age 6-8 the entire Bible should be introduced with increasing time spent on the difficult passages as they start to develop the vocabulary to understand and discuss them. But most of the Bible was part of our family conversations by the time my child was 3-4. Lastly, I don’t ever want to be just another Christian who has nothing for you, but you’re throwing too many arguments at me at once, and complicated ones that really need time and patience to unpack. If you want to have a real dialogue, pick one idea at a time, don’t strawman the Christian position, go listen to apologists and theologians who disagree with you to hear what we think about each issue, then come and ask me. I will waste ALL my time on someone who truly wants to understand what we believe and why because I care about your eternity, but you need to decide what you’re doing here.
clubschadenfreude
Yep, typical excuses made by a christian who has tried to lie about me and now can’t support those lies. You are doing a great job of showing just how dishonest christians can be.
You try to falsely claim that there is context that somehow magically changes what these verses mean. You cannot show that is true, and I know that it is not. YOu try to claim that some verses are “hyperbole and metaphor”, but I know that christians do not agree on what is to be considered literal, hyperbole, metaphor, etc in the bible and you have nothing to support your claims.
You falsely claim that I somehow don’t grasp the “fundamental basics of parenting”, and have nothing to support your claims. I have shown how your points fail since your claims are baseless. You offer excuses and no evidence for nonsense like: “First, we’re all hypocrites.” and “If God prevented all suffering, there would be no free will or joy.” and “God gives us enough evidence to find Him if we are seeking, but not so much that we no longer can freely reject Him. ” and “very single thing you said has answers, but they are complex, and I don’t ever get the sense that you’re trying to actually understand my points so much as straw man them.”
You want to make claims and you want to have no one show how your claims fail. You claim that I need to do your work and seek out answers from a “solid theologian” aka someone who agrees with you. I have and surprise, they have nothing more than you do.
It is nothign surprising that you have to retract your claims since reality doesn’t agree with you. There are not “complex issues” in the bible, there is a god who commits and commands genocide and kills innocent people. No argument you make can excuse that. If you ask a child if it is okay to hurt someone if they didn’t do anything wrong, what do you think the answer will be?
You are another christian who has nothing. Pick out one argument and answer it. Right now you are simply hiding behind excuses. You have yet to show I’ve made a strawman at all. And you try to excuse your failure by again trying to make me do your work. I’ve read many apologists and theologians and surprise, they don’t agree with each other either, so I know what christians think about the issues. They contradict each other and not one can show that their version is any better than the rest. Your attempts at delaying the inevitable fail. You also try to lie about me, mama, and claim I don’t truly want to understand. Why do you choose to do that?
themamapologist
Again – you go on a lengthy diatribe that is more vitriolic than conversation. You misrepresent what I’ve said or the points I’ve made. And if no other theologian or apologist can satisfy your demands, I won’t be able to either. Not because I’m wrong, but because you’re not reasonable. I won’t be approving or responding to future comments.
David W.
Club,
“Since Christians can’t agree on the most basic things, and they’ve had a couple of millennia to get things straight, yep, I can judge you all on your constant failures and constant lies.”
That’s a common myth spread by people who have never studied history. You should read Tom Holland, Yuval Harari, or Bart Ehrman, agnostic scholars who object to your misinformation.
clubschadenfreude
So, rather than show how I’m wrong, you simply choose to make further false claims.
It’s notable how David asked about the book “A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah Maas” above, and surprise, it was banned by Christians. This is romantic fantasy book about a 19 year old and it mentions sex. Unsurprisingly, the bible mentions sex too, but christians want it in schools.
Christians claim the bible is the “truth”. Why should the truth be censored? If parents can’t take the time to explain things to their children, it seems they aren’t very good parents.
themamapologist
I did explain why you’re wrong. And you’re throwing in a different argument now (Red herring). I’m not going to debate school libraries with you. Certain subjects are too complex or inappropriate for children at certain ages. That doesn’t make the Bible untrue. I already explained to you that some subjects are beyond a child’s ability to understand or are not developmentally appropriate. Graphic sexual content isn’t appropriate for young children. But the presentation of those subjects with our children as they mature is important. I do not advocate keeping the unpleasant content from children entirely, but integrating the whole Bible into their lives as appropriate. My daughter is 15 and on her third or fourth time through the entire Bible, even the hard parts.
clubschadenfreude
Nice false claims, mama. You have made baseless assertions which have yet to be shown true or to show that I’m wrong. It’s hilarious how you can’t debate school libraries with me or show that your claims are true.
You can’t show that calculus is too hard for someone based on age. So you run from that argument and invent more. To accuse me of a red herring, and as always, be unable to show where I’ve used one, is a typical christian baseless assertion.
You have yet to show that your bible’s claims are true or that your interpretation is true.
As I’ve already shown, children have no probelm understanding, and you make baseless claims about children to try to excuse your refusal to show them how your god kills children with no problem.
That your cult needs time to indoctrinate shows how your cult has to hide its god’s actions. We aren’t talking about graphic sexual content, we are talking about your bible. That you have to compare the two is interesting. Where is there equivalent to that in your bible?
You do advocate for keeping the “unpleasant” content from children. Your daughter is a teen. Have you asked her what she thinks about this god murdering people for things they didn’t do and couldn’t control? Has she ever mentioned those parts or does she know not to question mom?
themamapologist
The school library argument is a red herring. I did not bring up that book or talk about school libraries. Instead of staying on topic, you threw in a different topic. Your argument is that parents should read the whole Bible to their children regardless of their age; that if it’s true, then we should read it to them. You can’t prove the truth of something based on that argument. I also don’t think you can prove than every true topic is appropriate for all ages and developmental levels.
Your statements about God demonstrate that you are making arguments from your perspective, but do not understand the orthodox Christian view. This is called a strawman fallacy. You present a different view than what the other person believes because it’s easier to knock down the strawman than their real views.
The Bible is provably true in many regards. We cannot prove supernatural events from the past because there is no way to verify a single, unrepeatable event. But we have a ton of archaeological evidence that supports the Bible’s narratives. “It may be stated categorically that no archaeological discovery has ever controverted a Biblical reference. Scores of archaeological findings have been made which confirm in clear outline or exact detail historical statements in the Bible. And, by the same token, proper evaluation of Biblical descriptions has often led to amazing discoveries.”
– Nelson Glueck Rivers in the Desert, (New York: Farrar, Strous and Cudahy, 1959), 31.
clubschadenfreude
The school argument is not a red herring. David brought it up, and I replied. So the only one who brought up a different topic is your fellow christian.
Again, you claim your bible is the truth. You claim it benefits people from reading it, and yet you try to invent rules on what you will and won’t teach your children.
I understand many christian versions, and not one christian can show that their version is the “orthodox” view aka the right one. You have nothing to show this is the case. A strawman is invented by an opponent if they cannot address the real argument. The differences in Christianity are invented by christians and I simply address how they fail. You all believe something different, and yep, that means not one of you should be believed since not one of you can show your version any better than the rest.
Unsurprisingly, despite your claims, you cannot show that the bible is “provably true” at all. Where is this evidence it is true? You can prove supernatural events since those in your bible should have left evidence. That they didn’t indicates that they never happened. Your attempts to try to invent excuses for this failure don’t work.
There is no archaeology that supports the bible’s claims. That the bible mentions real places and people, and we have artifacts that show that christians and jews existed doesn’t mean their claims are true. If this were the case, then most, if not all, other religions are as valid as yours. Do you accept that?
The quote you offer is from someone quite ignorant. There are plenty of archaeological discoveries that indicate that various things from your bible never happened. The exodus never happened since 1. Christians can’t agree on when it happened. 2. No one noticed the supposed ten plagues. There are no mass graves from all of the first born dying. What we see are the same death rates at any other time. Jericho was never toppled at any date christains invent, and we know it was destroyed various times thanks to the earthquakes common in the region. Canaan was never invaded by the israelites since we know that they are genetically the same people. They never were captives anywhere. Not one of egypt’s enemies noted any sudden demise of Egypt’s army, nor did any of their trading partners have to provide them food. No great kings mentioned anywhere except in the bible. Where’s Solomon? Where’s David?
Geology shows that there was never a world-wide, 28,000 foot deep flood. If there had been, there would be one massive layer sorted within itself. The items within the flood would have been sorted by their hydraulic characteristics. The exact opposite is seen in reality. And again, christains can’t agree on when, how, or if this happened. No fabulous temples or palaces have been found or any remains of them.